Caffeine State of Mind

i am in a caffeine induced state. i worked a 3pm-midnight shift at work and while doing so i had an icee, a large coca-cola, and when i got home i ate and then took a 5 hour energy just so i can do homework.

“do your homework over the weekend.”

at this point i should’ve and i could’ve but instead i visited my friends in storm lake.

“this is your own fault.”

yes, i never said it wasn’t but i had two options, stay at home and hate myself because all my housemates were invited out for a birthday OR go hang out with people i like and maybe get as much homework done then as i would have but lonely and sober. i chose not to hate myself on a saturday night and drove the hour and a half just to hang out with my BV friends.

So, now i find myself in a caffeine induced state.

since elementary school i always did my homework as soon as i got home because the sooner you finish your homework the less you have to worry about it and that’s how i’ve always done my homework. now that i’m older, i find it harder to do your homework right after school because right after school i go to work.

“stop working.” or “don’t work too many hours then.” or “make a different schedule.”

lol. i can’t stop working because i need money for bills. i have to work as many hours i can to pay for all of my bills and then for food, at the end of the day after i pay for all of the necessities, i have a whooping $27 in my checking account until next payday and thanks to my automatic $25 transfer into my savings to help me save money i have $2 in my bank account. So, while knowing all of this i can’t make a different schedule and i just have to roll with the punches.

my body hates me, i’m sure. but i just always remind myself that my body has been through worse shit than this (this can be another story). not only that, but whenever i come back from MN, i take a 5hourEnergy before beginning my 6hr drive back to sioux city. So, in my mind, i’m thinking “at least i’m not driving.” and after this year i probably won’t ever have to do this ever again.

this is: fucking my body over on caffeine just to stay awake to graduate.

because one day, i will be sitting in my castle in france with a cup of tea and my cats, with a pen and paper on the table next to me. all of this isn’t for nothing, i’m gonna get there.