Zombies!!!

A zombie apocalypse would suck. I know there are those weird geeky nerds out there that think it would be so awesome just so that they could see a zombie in real life. But guess what? If you see one, chances are its going to eat your face off. And don’t even get me started on the people that say they would want to be one. Your brain is dead and you cant think for yourself. Your just wandering around looking for human flesh and weird stuff like that until some bad ass with a chain saw comes up and gives your neck a buzz cut. And if I was in a zombie apocalypse I would be that bad ass. I watched the movie Zombie Land and that actually looked like it would be pretty fun for while. You know, just going around wasting zombies. Or if you have ever played the game Dead Rising, you would know that killing zombies is probably one of the funnest things on earth to do. Basically your trapped in this mall. And for some crazy reason there are zombies everywhere and you have to fight your way out to get your freedom. Being in a mall, there are all sorts of fun stuff you can go and grab to beat the crap out of the endless flow of zombies. Baseball bats, golf clubs, swords, guns, bazookas (even though i have yet to find one of these in a real mall), and anything else you could think of is available. I feel like killing zombies is so much fun because you don’t really fell bad when your doing it. I mean their not real people anymore and their just undead people trying to eat you, so that kind of takes the moral sting out of it. While we are on the topic, how do you kill a zombie in the first place? Their called the living dead for a reason, their dead! So it’s kind of a contradiction (like starburst, because their solid, yet juicy like a liquid) when you say you are killing zombies. I’m sure that there are some old mystic ways to actually kill a zombie, but I think today’s method of teeing off on ones head with a 3 wood just wouldn’t do the trick. I think if the world was full of zombies  I would also get tired of killing zombies after a while. It would also be pretty sad because all of your family and friends would be zombies, and so you would have to ‘kill’ them too. Well I’m about at that point where i realize just how many words that one thousand words are, because I feel I have been typing for quite some time and I not even have way their yet. You can tell I am getting a little desperate because I spelled out one thousand instead of just typing out 1000. But enough of this gibberish, lets get back to zombies. Famous people would also be zombies, which is both good and bad. On the good side, haven’t you ever wanted to take a baseball bat to Justin Bieber’s head just once? No? Well how about annoying political figures like Glen Beck? That’s what I thought. One the bad side, if it was myself against a monstrous zombie Ray Lewis linebacker, I don’t know who would win that fight, baseball bat or no baseball bat. Would animals also be zombies? Because if there was a little zombie puppy, I don’t know if I could take that thing out. I mean, could you hurt a puppy? Then there would also be things like zombie whales, but you could avoid those by just staying away from the ocean. Zombie bears wouldn’t stray too far outside the woods, so they wouldn’t be too much of a problem either. However, the worst zombie animal by far would be zombie birds. While they aren’t the biggest or baddest, they are everywhere! And they are up in the sky and in the air! How are you supposed to avoid air? They could swoop down and get you anytime, any place. And there would be so many different types of zombie birds! Sure, pigeons and and robins and things like that aren’t that bad. But crows are kinda big birds, and they only get bigger from there! What about a zombie hawk? Or a zombie eagle? And don’t even get me started on storks and pelicans and those big birds. I don’t know where I would live either. You would have to board up your house or something like that, but then you cant go out of the house when you need food. I think I would lock myself in some place like Sam’s Club. You have a basically endless supply of food, and they have bathrooms. And you could take out the nasty thin toilet paper that they put in there and put in some of the really soft Charin Ultra Soft paper that they sell there in bulk. Also, those places are basically just big square concrete building with almost no where for the zombies to break in. I think I would get pretty lonely if I was the last non zombie on earth. I dont think anyone can live like that for long if they are totally by them selves. Wouldn’t the electricity go out after a while anyway? Or the plumbing? I would probably roller blade up and down Sam’s Club if I got really bored. Does Sam’s Club sell roller blades? I should call them and find out. If they don’t I’ll stop in a Dick’s Sporting Goods and pick up a pair before I go to Sam’s Club. Wow I have about fifty words left before I am done with this blog. It is getting closer! I stopped using contractions so I can get more words if you have not noticed. Well, to avoid the risk of sounding more crazy about writing this then I already do, that is one thousand words so peace out zombie killers.