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Sunday December 17th 2017

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Fat Boy’s Food Tips

By Kevin Green —

Your stomach bellows, your eyes grow weary, suddenly you feel lightheaded.

Hunger has set-in and you need food fast. Reaching in your wallet you find one single crisp five-dollar bill. The student café is close, but you’ll have dinner there later and right now the “same old same old” doesn’t sound to appealing.  Where would your ”inner fat boy/girl” go?

McDonald’s is the obvious winner for week one. It’s within walking distance and has a decent selection on its dollar menu. Finding a few extra pennies on the way in can be helpful for the tax. These can usually be found under the drive-thru window from previous patrons to lazy to pick up their spilled coinage. Then once inside it’s two McDoubles, one spicy crispy chicken sandwich, a medium drink and one more item of your choosing.

It may be useful to ask for extra or no pickles on your burgers. This ensures that your food is made fresh and hasn’t been on the warmer for a while. Next, find a good seat inside and eat these babies while they’re hot. This allows for maximum chewing action because let’s face it, you don’t know these people so who cares?  Besides, who wants to lug a McDonald’s sack back across campus to your room where three other hungry souls are wasting away, each one of them ready to comment on how long it’s been since they’ve had McDonald’s or what succulent feast they would have ordered in your place.

Be sure and eat one of the McDoubles first too. By doing so, you alleviate the hunger pains and restore full awareness to your brain. Now you’ll be able to focus on the remaining items in front of you and choose which delicacy to enjoy next. Likewise, by eating one of the McDoubles you don’t eliminate any of your four selections.

Twenty minutes later, you’re fully satisfied, gently rubbing your belly while contemplating a bowel movement.

A true fat boy could have eaten it all in five minutes, but it’s early in the semester so you’ll learn. Top off your soda just before leaving and don’t forget to grab some napkins on the way out. You never know when you’ll need one and they can be kept in your car’s center console or glove box.

All in all this should tide you over till dinner or “supper “ as it’s called in some parts of Iowa. Either way it’s a break from the norm and a welcome change to the Morningside meal plan. It hit the spot and didn’t kill your budget in the process. So overall it receives two burps and a belt loop. See you next week at Jim’s Burger where we hear the chili cheese fries may cause drowsiness. Till then, keep eating.