For this assignment I took it to a whole another level, instead of handing out Scooby snacks to friends and or with a free sign. I sat in the HPER center for an hour and tried to be as sketchy as possible with this. Essentially when I asked somebody if they want some snacks they would say no right away, especially when I reached into my backpack to give them the snack. One guy in particular seemed a little on edge about the whole thing and started to tell his friends about it. When I asked him his name he refused to give me it and threatened me. When I then explained that this was all for a class and I was trying to weird about it, he laughed and told me his name was Drew. Drew then took the snacks and thanked me. Another girl was also scared of my snack filled backpack. She said no and continued to walk in very hesitantly, when she came back up after her workout she tried to avoid eye contact with me and it was very obvious. I then again explained myself and again got a yes after all that a laugh. The rest of it went pretty normal. It was people that I think trusted me and they would just come in and take some of the Scooby snacks. Overall I think this experience made me realize a lot of things. That in this day and age everybody things the worst of people. They all thought I was hinting at drugs or something worse (I don’t know what is actually worse then drugs though) and couldn’t trust the true nature of a person anymore. Back when my parents were growing up I think most people would have no problem when they were offered a free snack and most wouldn’t hesitate. Now-a-days we don’t even see lemonade stands with little kids because the world is so dark that many people think their kids will get abducted or robbed while running a lemonade stand.
I’m having trouble seeing you as “sketchy,” Hunter.
“She tried to avoid eye contact with me and it was very obvious.” That’s telling. Show. Did she keep her head down and eyes on the floor? Tilt her head away so that she didn’t have to meet your sketchy stare? Use description to make the story more real to readers.
I tend to agree with the commenters: More dialogue. More paragraphs. People do think the worst. I am as guilty as anyone of that.
I thought this was funny, Hunter. What is most interesting is that you tried a different angle, and you got a similar result to mine. I acted normal and people took my snacks, but questioned it at first, whereas your “sketchy” method made people question it as well. I agree with Reilly that you should space out your paragraphs more, but overall, I was engaged in the story.
Hunter, space out your paragraphs to make it easier to read. “Thinks” not “things” in your sentences at the overall section. I wished that there was more dialogue in your story to have some personality from the people getting free cookies. Overall, your story was fascinating and enjoyable to read.
Hunter, I really liked how you incorporated the ending of this story and tied it back to ideas of society today. I also loved that you tried to be sketchy, just to see what peoples reactions would be. Because this is a story, I would have liked to see more dialogue and description of the characters themselves, though.