Alexis McKee
COMM 208 Article #1
Article 1
A white, 1996 Pontiac Grand Prix sits quietly in my driveway. It is a long way from being the nicest or the fastest car on the market, but this car is important to me. I still remember the day I received it. It had been my stepdad’s work vehicle and I always remember saying how I didn’t really like the way it looked. Little did I know that years down the road I would grow to love the car and appreciate it even more when I received it on my 16th birthday.
Being a car that was made in 1996 there are some things about the car that just make it even more unique. The shimmer of the white shell has been dulled as a result of shedding the protective layer. This would be more acceptable if it were more like a snake and replaced that layer instead of leaving blemishes. A few scars mark the skin of the rear bumper from confused incidents and miniscule mishaps.
As I open the doors to get inside a heavy weight pulls outward like outstretched wings. The doors seem immense due to the design of the model. A sweet scent of strawberries and wine cigars fills my nostrils. When inside I automatically feel like I become one with the soft, gray, seat cloth. This might also be a result of how low it sucks me down into it. The steering wheel cover grips back as if it were giving me a handshake. The material feels almost like memory foam and I can’t help but paw at it like a cat kneading his bed. Upon glancing in the back seat I can’t help but laugh at myself. A small tornado may or may not have torn through the car leaving a mess of clothes, CDs, and books in its path. No matter how many times I clean my car my entire life comes spilling back in. Turning my attention back to the front seat I notice all the little important things that have accumulated in my car over the years. A wolf and parrot stuffed animal sit side by side like partners in crime as they watch over me when I drive. They both hold their own story behind them. Purple and orange mardi gras beads glimmer in the sunlight as they dangle from my rearview mirror along with my Pizza Ranch visor. Jammed into my lighter outlet is a grinning skull that fails to do the one thing it was made to do and that is glow blue. That means I am left with a pale faced skull staring at me while I drive. If I hadn’t gotten it from my dad I probably would have taken it out by now.
After a short while of sitting in my seat I begin to sweat. The dark cloth interior holds an unbearable heat. I reach toward one of three buttons on my door panel and lower the barrier that is keeping me from fresh air. There are only two windows that roll down in my car and of those two only my driver’s side window works. Did I mention that I also do not have air conditioning. My friends always groan when they realize they have to almost die of heat stroke whenever they ride with me during summer. It is always interesting when it is a person’s first time in my car. Everybody’s reaction is the same. I hear clicking noises coming from the passenger side and as I glance over I notice they are hitting buttons aggressively.
“How do you roll down your window?” they demand as they continue to jab at the buttons.
“It is broken. It won’t roll down,” I explain with an apologetic smile.
Regardless of any flaws my car may have I still love it. I often find myself going on long drives alone, usually at night. The blue light from my stereo deck illuminates the interior as darkness surrounds my car. The windshield has a spider web of cracks etching across the expansion and creates an almost eerie effect. Here in my car I can just relax and take in my surroundings. This is my space. This is my escape.
Alexis,
I really liked the way you described your car. The lead gave the main details about the car which went perfectly with the picture. I also like the fact that the lead told a story of how you got the car and left more detail for later on. You also have a creative way of phrasing things. Rather than just saying I rolled down my window you said “I reach toward one of three buttons on my door panel lower the barrier that is keeping me from fresh air.” That makes it a lot more interesting to read. Your descriptive details were also very good. Even though you only have a picture of the outside of the car I could picture what the inside looks like just from what you said. Good job!
You may be surprised (or not) to know you are the first person to use this assignment to describe their car. And you do it well. I especially like how your steering wheel grips back. Very nice.
I’ll make one suggestion, Alexis. Give it a try. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s fine.
In the first graf you write “this car is important to me.” That should be your central theme, and to some extent you do make that clear. But it’s a bit fuzzy. Important how? Important why? If you were more specific in that first graf you would be able to shape the rest of the piece around it and make it all work together…like a fine-tuned engine you might say. That focus would tell you what needs to be included and what might be left out.
Give it a try. If it doesn’t work, oh well.
Look at sentence structure. Try reading aloud to see how it sounds.