Michelle's Blog My life is almost as interesting as this theme.

The subject of this assignment is “What makes you mad?” (“What makes you happy?” was another option, but I don’t want this to only be two sentences long.) My question is, how do I narrow that down? A lot of things make me angry. Religious people, bad drivers, douchebag/slutty peers who drink all the time, etc. The other part of this is that I am not supposed to rant. So, I will talk logically about something that makes me angry.

I feel like a compilation of my Facebook statuses would be fitting here (“It’s funny how girls whine about not having boyfriends and not being able to find a good man but dress up like sluts for Halloween (and other times). Here’s a hint: the real men don’t respect you. So, have fun getting banged for 3 seconds with that “playa wit swag.” He like totes loves you.”), but I will TRY to be original.

After much ado, my topic for this column will be “Assholes at the Register.” I know I said a “bad word”, but look at the title of this blog. It doesn’t say “Sensitive Sally’s Baby Blog”; it says “Michelle’s Blog,” so sit down, strap in, and let’s go for a hypothetical ride.

This ride takes us through the life of the cashier. Look at her, all smiling and happy. She’s obviously a robot; let’s try to annoy her. Fun fact for everyone, we aren’t British guards and we have the ability to show you how much of an asshole you are, not to mention deny your coupons, bitch (see above).

I work at a pet store, which most people know because I complain about it so much. “Why don’t you just quit?” you say. Because then my life would not be as satisfactory because I need something to complain about. Anyway, today I had a young man with his dog come strolling through my line, all smiles. Sounds cute and quaint, right? Don’t be fooled as I was. After his dog proceeded to shit all over in my register lane, he looked at the mess and said, “Not my dog!” as he laughed and walked away. My day’s greatest regret was not picking it up and throwing it at him.

Soon after, here came a little girl and her mommy buying a hermit crab. “Her very own first pet!” her mom exclaimed. I proceeded to “aw” at the gross little scaly thing with pincers. Suddenly, her daughter piped up, ” Mommy, why do we always have to go through this girl’s register every time we come here?” “She works too much!” her mother cleverly retorted.

After I apologized to the little girl for my existence, I began to think about this assignment and knew that these moments were my inspiration. So to everyone who has ever said “Must be free!” when a barcode wouldn’t scan or gotten angry at me because they coupon was expired and unacceptable, here’s an especially sarcastic “Have a nice day!”

I couldn’t figure out how to move it above my column on Election Day.

It’s no secret that today is Election Day. The day where Americans head out in droves to their nearest polling place to cast their ballot for who should become the next President of the United States. To me, Election Day does not really matter. The President really cannot do anything. Our nation is run by Congress, that group of stubborn children (and this is offensive to children, actually) who refuse to compromise and make good things happen for American citizens.

Despite the corruption in Congress and the lack of power of the President, I must say that regardless of who wins, I am thankful to be an American. My boyfriend took me to see Argo today, and being the sheltered Midwestern and middle-class white girl that I am, I was shocked to see how things have been and very well still might be in the Middle East. I am thankful to live in a country where I don’t have to live in fear each day. A country where there are not public slayings. I can make something of myself despite the fact that I am a woman.

I do support President Barack Obama, but in all honesty, I don’t really care who wins. The biggest reason I support him is because my asshole boss tells me it’s wrong to support him, and I would love nothing more than to see an Obama win to wipe off that smug attitude.

So, what does Election Day mean to me? Not much. I exercised my right to vote, but the President can’t change anything because Congress is a group of morons. I don’t care who wins just because that no matter who wins, we will still have better and safer lives than most of the world, anyway.

President Barack Obama has not always been the polished Commander-in-Chief that America has known for the past 4 years.  He started from a much humbler upbringing, but soon went on to greatness. A fact that could very well be at least partially attributed to his wife of 20 years.

Barack Hussein Obama was born on August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii. His mother was a white Kansas native while his father, from Africa, was on a scholarship to pursue an education at the University of Hawaii.

Soon after he was born, Obama’s father left his family to attend Harvard University with the hopes of receiving his Doctorate. His mother remarried that same year to an Indonesian man. Barack and his mother moved to Jakarta soon thereafter, but due to safety issues, his mother sent him back to live with his maternal grandparents in Hawaii.

Obama enrolled in the esteemed Punahoa Academy where he excelled in basketball and graduated with academic honors. He was one of three black students at the academy, and it was here where he first encountered racism.

“I began to notice there was nobody like me in the Sears, Roebuck Christmas catalog … and that Santa was a white man,” he said. “I went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror with all my senses and limbs seemingly intact, looking the way I had always looked, and wondered if something was wrong with me.

He graduated from Columbia University in 1983 with a degree in political science, and he moved to Chicago to work with low-income members of society.

In 1985, he attended Harvard Law School where he met Michelle Robinson, an associate at a law firm.

“It was all uphill from there,” Obama said with a smile.

Michelle laughed, “Our relationship was first a friendship. It took off from there.”

The two saw Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing on their first date, which was a fitting movie since their coming together was the right thing for both of them.

“You see, even though back then Barack was a senator,” Michelle said, “and a presidential candidate, to me he was still the guy who’d picked me up for our dates in a car that was so rusted out, I could actually see the pavement going by through a hole in the passenger side door.”

Eventually, the two were married in October 1992.

Despite the fact that their marriage and love looks so easy to the public eye, it’s hard work to maintain

“We have adjusted to maintaining a really solid relationship at a distance. We talk every day, every night. If we have a moment, no matter how tired we are, we go on a date,” remarked Michelle.

The Obamas had their first daughter Malia in 1998, followed by Sasha in 2001, which added love but also more work to their already stressful lives.

“Those early years [of child raising] are a whole lot of work. But the truth is that everybody struggles with it — we just don’t talk about it out loud. And then also I had to change. Because there were a lot of things time-wise that he couldn’t provide, because he was not there,” said Michelle.

When he was at home, though, Barack was still a typical guy.

“It is important that when I’m home to make sure that I’m present and I still forget stuff. As Michelle likes to say, ‘You are a good man, but you are still a man.’ I leave my socks around,” he said with a smile aimed right at his wife. She rolled her eyes and laughed.

The two adapted to the struggles of child raising along with a political career quite well. Through it all, they have maintained a closeness and a genuine respect for each other.

President Barack Obama said it best in his first inauguration speech in 2008,  “I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years … the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation’s next first lady … Michelle Obama.”

Twas’ the night before, wait Christmas?  It’s not Christmas yet, however the department stores seem to think it is.  That’s almost a nightmare in itself.  Anyways, it was Halloween night awhile ago when my peers and I would don our costumes and go around the neighborhood knocking on doors greeting people with the phrase trick-or-treat.  We never got a trick usually just a treat.

The people always seemed friendly and were glad to give us the candy our hearts desired.  We never skipped a house as we tried to get as much candy as we could.  One year we came to a white house with several red vehicles in the driveway.  There was no jack-o-lanterns on the front step and the whole house was dark.  My friends and I didn’t think anything of it.

The instant I rang the doorbell and prepared myself to yell trick-or-treat a monster came crashing into the front window of the house with a force that it sounded like the window would break that very second, unleashing the beast it contained.  My friends and I scattered across the front lawn like when a bag of candy is opened and explodes its contents across the floor.  The house owner opened the door as we ran, and the beast escaped chasing us down the street.

We narrowly escaped the white and brown monster that year; it is a vision that pains me to see even to this day.  Our greedy candy addiction got the best of us that year.  My friends and I now know why that house had no jack-o-lanterns out front, and we skipped that house on the Halloweens that followed as not to disturb the monster that lurked within.

Putting two strangers in a room together for 9 months and seeing how things work out sounds like a reality television show. In actuality, this is a common occurrence at colleges all across America. Often, students will fill out some type of vague personality survey online or on paper that is sent back to the school, which is then supposedly used to match that student up with a compatible roommate.

Miraculously, this approach does sometimes work, although it is unclear whether it is because of the method of the personality survey or just because the two people are easy going enough to not switch rooms. However, there are times when people are paired up who do not mesh with each other, and problems ensue.

Jill Borer, a past Morningside student, is all too familiar with life with a bad roommate.

“My first roommate at college, things started off badly and got progressively worse,” said Borer. “She was nice, but equally as weird.”

Borer’s roommate was a lesbian, which she specified didn’t bother her, but things got awkward when her ex-roommate asked to see her in her underwear.

“She was just fascinated by the kind of underwear I was wearing and asked me to show her more. I felt so uncomfortable.”

As the semester progressed, Borer’s roommate filled their room with bonsai trees, read books about witchcraft, and constantly made Chinese soups that would stink up their room and her clothes. Her roommate moved into a room with her girlfriend the following semester.

This is one instance where thing just would not click, but luckily the end result wasn’t too disastrous as the two never had a big fall out; they just decided to live separately.

In the new age of technology, people will take to Facebook and Twitter to express thoughts and frustrations. The problem is they often forget that those posts are public and can be seen by others.

Just ask Andrew Snyder, sophomore at Morningside.

“One day I happened to stumble upon my roommate’s Twitter feed, and it turns out he has been talking crap about me since school started. It’s sort of fun because he doesn’t even know that I know, but it’ll come out before too long, I bet.”

Another student, who wished to remain anonymous, had a roommate who would steal her debit card while she was in class, use it, and return it before she was done with class.

“I finally noticed on my bank statement after she had been using it for gas, food and shoes for 5 months.”

In cases like this, it is essential to involve the college to prevent future problems and to notify the thief what can happen if they do not stop stealing.

According to Pablo de la Cruz, resident assistant (or RA, for short), stealing is not tolerated by Morningside’s residence staff.

“The residence staff will generally organize a meeting between the two roommates and the Associate Dean of students to go over what steps will be taken if the thievery does not stop. If the stealing was bad enough, sometimes it is decided in these meetings to involve the police.”

Former Morningside student Ryan Schneider had a friend whose old roommate ran an unspecified business from their dorm.

“[He] tried to sue my friend because his alarm went off too early every morning. Apparently, it was ‘interfering with his business.’”

Claire De Roin, senior, dealt with a roommate who was more passive than up-front with her issues.

“My roomie left me passive-aggressive notes everywhere and wouldn’t talk to me at all, ever.”

In these cases, according to Cruz, a roommate contract is drafted that lists what each roommate can do to help alleviate the problem.

“If that doesn’t work, then the last step would be that usually one of them will move out.”

It’s obvious that there are often problems between roommates, but what does the college’s residence life do about it?

Sheri Hineman, head of Residence Life at Morningside College, basically said that they move them around and don’t ask questions.

“Once the housing freeze [amount of time at the beginning of a semester where a student can’t move out from his or her dorm unless there is a very good reason as deemed by the residence staff] has ended, I don’t ask why the person is moving.  They may tell me; they may not.”

There are no numbers on how many students change roommates due to problems each year, mainly because, as said by Hineman, students often move because they would rather live with someone else they are better friends with on campus. And since Residence Life doesn’t ask questions, they don’t know whether these room changings are because of problems or just a desire to live with someone else.

There are many different reasons that two roommates might want to split, as discussed above. Hineman gave a little insight on the typical reasons for a roommate to move out.

“The most common issue is differences in values.  One student is into the party scene and the other is not.  One student ‘borrows’ their roommate’s belongings without asking.  Sometimes it is schedules that cause the problems, if one person has to be up early for practice and the other does not.”

Bad roommate or a “difference in values?”

Putting two strangers in a room together for 9 months and seeing how things work out sounds like a reality television show. In actuality, this is a common occurrence at colleges all across America. Often, students will fill out some type of vague personality survey, which is then supposedly used to match that student up with a compatible roommate.

Miraculously, this approach does sometimes work, although it is unclear whether it is because of the method of the personality survey or just because the two people are easy going enough to not try to switch rooms. However, there are times when people are paired up who do not mesh with each other, and problems ensue. And yes, problems worse than a roommate who refuses to wear pants.

Jill Borer, a past Morningside student, is all too familiar with life with a bad roommate.

“My first roommate at college, things started off badly and got progressively worse,” said Borer. “She was nice, but equally as weird.”

Borer’s old roommate was a lesbian, which she specified didn’t bother her, but things got awkward when her ex-roommate asked to see her in her underwear.

“She was just fascinated by the kind of underwear I was wearing and asked me to show her more. I felt so uncomfortable.”

As the semester progressed, Borer’s roommate filled their room with bonsai trees, read books about witchcraft, and constantly made Chinese soups that would stink up their room and her clothes. Her roommate moved into a room with her girlfriend the following semester.

In the new age of technology, people will take to Facebook and Twitter to express thoughts and frustrations. The problem is, they often forget that those posts are public and can be seen by others.

Just ask Andrew Snyder, sophomore at Morningside.

“One day I happened to stumble upon my roommate’s Twitter feed, and it turns out he has been talking crap about me since school started. It’s sort of fun because he doesn’t even know that I know, but it’ll come out before too long, I bet.”

Another student, who wished to remain anonymous, had a roommate who would steal her debit card while she was in class, use it, and return it before she was done with class.

“I finally noticed on my bank statement after she had been using it for gas, food and shoes for 5 months.”

Former Morningside student Ryan Schneider had a friend whose old roommate ran an unspecified business from their dorm.

“[He] tried to sue my friend because his alarm went off too early every morning. Apparently, it was ‘interfering with his business.’”

Claire De Roin, senior, dealt with a roommate who was more passive than up-front with her issues.

“My roomie left me passive-aggressive notes everywhere and wouldn’t talk to me at all, ever.”

It’s obvious that there are often problems between roommates, but what does the college’s residence life do about it?

Sheri Hineman, head of Residence Life at Morningside College, basically said that they move them around and don’t ask questions.

“Once the housing freeze has ended, I don’t ask why the person is moving.  They may tell me; they may not.”

There are no numbers on how many students change roommates due to problems each year, mainly because, as said by Hineman, students often move because they would rather live with someone else they are better friends with on campus. And since they don’t ask questions, Residence Life doesn’t know whether these room changings are because of problems or just a desire to live with someone else.

There are many different reasons that two roommates might want to split, as discussed above. Sheri Hineman gave a little insight on the typical reasons for a roommate to move out.

“The most common issue is differences in values.  One student is into the party scene and the other is not.  One student ‘borrows’ their roommate’s belongings without asking.  Sometimes it is schedules that cause the problems, if one person has to be up early for practice and the other does not.”

So, appreciate your roommate in all of their pantsless glory and be thankful that they aren’t a theiving homosexual who threatens to sue you for messing up their shady business, leaves you nasty notes and talks smack on Twitter.

Stranger than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk is a collection of short essays from Palahniuk’s life and adventures between writing novels. There is a good chance that everyone could find at least one essay they really liked and one essay they really hated; there is that much variety. Everything from drunken crowd orgy-like conventions to an explanation of the wrestler affliction cauliflower ear is explored in this nonfiction conglomeration. It is almost impossible to summarize what this book is about because it really isn’t about any one thing. There are hardly even any recurring themes within the book. Nothing builds from one story to the next so this book really could be read in any order, or the reader could skip stories they didn’t like and not lose much as far as content.

Chuck Palahniuk is most well-known for his book Fight Club, which was adapted to film 1999. According to the Internet Movie Database, Palahniuk is quoted as saying the movie improved upon his novel, which is uncommon praise given to film adaptations of novels. If they are praising, authors will often say it was a good movie, but not usually that it was better than their own book. Palahniuk says in Stranger than Fiction that he often goes on trips between novels in order to get ideas and inspiration for future writing endeavors. He said that some of the stories were just too good to not be used in their full and original context, which is why he wrote them all down as they happened for this book.

Palahniuk’s purpose in writing this book is up for debate. In my opinion, he wrote this novel to show more common and average people the outlandish lifestyles of others. Kind of like a “This is America” idea. He doesn’t seem to exploit or judge these people, which would be very easy to do. In one scene, a woman is described as spreading her legs to a crowd and allowing them to probe her with their fingers. He never makes a comment about her being disgusting; he just tells it all factually. It is easy to come to these conclusions, but he never comes right out and says them. In another part of the book, Palahniuk tells the story of men who obsessively build castles, one even getting a divorce over it. He does not make fun of these men who want to build castles all the time, even though it would take only minimal effort to do so. He just tells their story to the reader and allows them to make their own opinions.

The information for this book was obtained in several ways. Probably the most common method Palahniuk used was observation. It seemed like he would people watch until he found an interesting story. Once he got his idea, he would explore more and interview the people he was watching. This is how his writing is organized. He almost always sets the scene first and includes a lot of sensory details to put the reader there. He then asks the people involved questions and gives the reader a greater understanding of who these people are and why they are in the situations that they are in. He never really participates in anything. Palahniuk mainly sits on the sidelines, observes, and asks questions.

I thought that this was a fun novel to read. Some of the stories were boring to me, so I skipped them with no apparent consequence. That is a big plus to the book. If there are slow parts that are uninteresting, it works out just fine to skip over them. I am going to create a genre for this novel and call it “Campfire Nonfiction.” I choose this title because it sounds like what happens when you get a bunch of older, life-experienced people around a campfire and just let them talk. It is the zest of life without that uninteresting travel and explanation of how the author (or speaker) got to that point. It cuts to the chase of the interesting stuff, and this “stuff” is all piled together into a book. I wish it would have had more of an underlying theme through each story or some kind of sense as to why it is organized the way that it is, but it isn’t a huge deal. Chuck Palahniuk’s Stranger than Fiction is an enjoyable light read of life’s most interesting and memorable moments.

I believe that people need to be good and moral for the sake of being a good person, not for the sake of some mysterious “God” figure. People are so hung up on “What would Jesus do?” that they forget “What would I do?” If you don’t want to help someone pick up something they dropped, then don’t. If you don’t want to hold the door for someone, don’t. And if you do want to do these things, then do them. Do things to be nice, don’t do things for credit from the J-man. Doesn’t that completely negate the purpose? Isn’t that being a good person for your own selfish purposes? I’m no religion guru, but I know that is not religiously sound thinking.

The world would be a better place if we just dropped this whole illusion of religion and just be ourselves for our own purposes. This way, the assholes of society can just be outright assholes instead religious assholes who judge others because they think they can justify their actions because it’s what “God” would want. I hate those uppity religious fiends who think they are better than everyone else because they go to church on Sundays with their noses in the air and are consistently judgmental assholes. You are no better than me because you believe in God and I don’t.

You can think that I am going to Hell because I don’t believe in Jesus, but honestly, if there really is a God and he sends me to Hell because I don’t believe in him despite the fairly moral life I have lived, I wouldn’t want to believe in him anyway. Why would I worship someone who creates so much pain for so many people and animals? That’s like someone slapping you in the face and kneeling before them like they are your master.

I believe in chance. Sometimes things work out and it almost seems miraculous, but also there are times when it seems like things can’t get any worse. You can’t just look at those miraculous times as proof of God, but then look over the days that suck. Fact of the matter is, some days are good and sometimes luck can be on your side, but other times that isn’t the case. So instead of tricking ourselves into some God illusion as a reason to be a good person and to explain those moments of fortune, how about we be good for the fact that it is right and accept that sometimes luck is just on our side?

Putting two strangers in a room together for 9 months and seeing how things work out sounds like a reality television show. In actuality, this is a common occurrence at colleges all across America. Often, students will fill out some type of vague personality survey, which is then supposedly used to match that student up with a compatible roommate.

Miraculously, this approach does sometimes work, although it is unclear whether it is because of the method of the personality survey or just because the two people are easy going enough to not try to switch rooms. However, there are times when people are paired up who do not mesh with each other, and problems ensue.

Jill Borer, a past Morningside student, is all too familiar with life with a bad roommate.

“My first roommate at college, things started off badly and got progressively worse,” said Borer. “She was nice, but equally as weird.”

Borer’s old roommate was a lesbian, which she specified didn’t bother her, but things got awkward when her ex-roommate asked to see her in her underwear.

“She was just fascinated by the kind of underwear I was wearing and asked me to show her more. I felt so uncomfortable.”

As the semester progressed, Borer’s roommate filled their room with bonsai trees, read books about witchcraft, and constantly made Chinese soups that would stink up their room and her clothes. Her roommate moved into a room with her girlfriend the following semester.

In the new age of technology, people will take to Facebook and Twitter to express thoughts and frustrations. The problem is, they often forget that those posts are public and can be seen by others.

Just ask Andrew Snyder, sophomore at Morningside.

“One day I happened to stumble upon my roommate’s Twitter feed, and it turns out he has been talking crap about me since school started. It’s sort of fun because he doesn’t even know that I know, but it’ll come out before too long, I bet.”

Another student, who wished to remain anonymous, had a roommate who would steal her debit card while she was in class, use it, and return it before she was done with class.

“I finally noticed on my bank statement after she had been using it for gas, food and shoes for 5 months.

Former Morningside student Ryan Schneider had a friend whose old roommate ran an unspecified business from their dorm.

“[He] tried to sue my friend because his alarm went off too early every morning. Apparently, it was ‘interfering with his business.’”

Claire De Roin, senior, dealt with a roommate who was more passive than up-front with her issues.

“My roomie left me passive-aggressive notes everywhere and wouldn’t talk to me at all, ever.”