The subject of this assignment is “What makes you mad?” (“What makes you happy?” was another option, but I don’t want this to only be two sentences long.) My question is, how do I narrow that down? A lot of things make me angry. Religious people, bad drivers, douchebag/slutty peers who drink all the time, etc. The other part of this is that I am not supposed to rant. So, I will talk logically about something that makes me angry.
I feel like a compilation of my Facebook statuses would be fitting here (“It’s funny how girls whine about not having boyfriends and not being able to find a good man but dress up like sluts for Halloween (and other times). Here’s a hint: the real men don’t respect you. So, have fun getting banged for 3 seconds with that “playa wit swag.” He like totes loves you.”), but I will TRY to be original.
After much ado, my topic for this column will be “Assholes at the Register.” I know I said a “bad word”, but look at the title of this blog. It doesn’t say “Sensitive Sally’s Baby Blog”; it says “Michelle’s Blog,” so sit down, strap in, and let’s go for a hypothetical ride.
This ride takes us through the life of the cashier. Look at her, all smiling and happy. She’s obviously a robot; let’s try to annoy her. Fun fact for everyone, we aren’t British guards and we have the ability to show you how much of an asshole you are, not to mention deny your coupons, bitch (see above).
I work at a pet store, which most people know because I complain about it so much. “Why don’t you just quit?” you say. Because then my life would not be as satisfactory because I need something to complain about. Anyway, today I had a young man with his dog come strolling through my line, all smiles. Sounds cute and quaint, right? Don’t be fooled as I was. After his dog proceeded to shit all over in my register lane, he looked at the mess and said, “Not my dog!” as he laughed and walked away. My day’s greatest regret was not picking it up and throwing it at him.
Soon after, here came a little girl and her mommy buying a hermit crab. “Her very own first pet!” her mom exclaimed. I proceeded to “aw” at the gross little scaly thing with pincers. Suddenly, her daughter piped up, ” Mommy, why do we always have to go through this girl’s register every time we come here?” “She works too much!” her mother cleverly retorted.
After I apologized to the little girl for my existence, I began to think about this assignment and knew that these moments were my inspiration. So to everyone who has ever said “Must be free!” when a barcode wouldn’t scan or gotten angry at me because they coupon was expired and unacceptable, here’s an especially sarcastic “Have a nice day!”