Tuesday, October 9th, 2012...2:43 pm
Rough Draft
The Olympic “Fab 5”: How they Changed Gymnastics
When July 27th, 2012 rolled around, we all knew that the 30th Summer Olympics would captivate the world. Going in with high hopes, Gabby Douglas, Jordyn Wieber, Ali Raisman, Mckayla Maroney, and Kyla Ross were expected to do great. And they did just that. I know when I was watching the “Fab 5” perform I would get chills every time because they all were amazing.
Leslie Pfeifer, a sophomore here at Morningside College, was a gymnast until the age of fifteen. She said that the “Fab 5 were awesome. It was just so cool that they were so young and so successful.” She recalls from when she was a gymnast that to be as successful as them is extremely difficult. “It’s crazy how they are so focused for so many years on one thing just to say that they are an Olympian.”
Gabby Douglas in particular, I believe, has changed the face of gymnastics for forever. She was the first African American gymnast to win the All-Around title, which is obviously a huge accomplishment. She has shown that color doesn’t matter when it comes to the Olympic games. Pfeifer says, “It is crazy that she won at just sixteen. I was really impressed and happy for her.”
When speaking with Pfeifer, the topic of Jordyn Weiber and her meltdown was brought up. In the finals to get into the All-Around finals Weiber was beaten by Ali Raisman to take the number two spot to compete. At the end of the night, Weiber was hysterically crying and being very standoffish. “I expected it just because of her age, (17). She should have kept herself under control. It kind of made me think that she was trying to get media attention,” Pfiefer says.
4 Comments
October 9th, 2012 at 3:53 pm
-I really liked the lede. It captured exactly what the story was going to be about and kind of brought me back to this summer and all of the amazing performances. However, I think that you could easily take out the uses of “I” and “we” because they take the focus away from the story and on to the author.
-I think you ought to write out the number five
-I liked the interview with Leslie and her comments. I think it would be helpful to include another interview with a gymnast or former gymnast. Maybe you could use someone on the cheer team?
-The first sentence of the last paragraph is kind of awkward. The “when speaking with Pfeifer” brings the focus back onto the fact that you had an interview. It also kind of abruptly switches to a different topic without much of a transition.
-“She recalls from when she was a gymnast that to be as successful as them is extremely difficult.” this sentence is kind of awkward.
-Good subject matter! I found this article interesting.
October 9th, 2012 at 4:19 pm
Good quotes! They flow well with the paper, and from a credible source, considering she was a gymnast and could kind of relate to the topic!
October 9th, 2012 at 4:26 pm
great start…. great topic! May need another interview though but I think you are off to a great start and this topic will be of interest to many since the Fab 5 are similar in age to us 🙂 Kind of a short paper though 🙂
October 10th, 2012 at 2:41 am
OK, Hannah. You’re doing a pretty good job of bringing a national story down to a more local level. You need at least two sources; can you find someone who can pair with Leslie and give you an additional perspective? Or maybe a coach? Having two voices will allow you to remove yourself. Rather than them agreeing with you, they can voice their feelings on the subject.
Also: focus the lead. You can use the info you have, but not in the first graf. The lead is a clear statement of what the story is about: “The Fab Five succeeded in inspiring a new generation…” or “changed gymnastics” or something like that. Then have your sources explain.
When you get to Wieber, athletes can also learn from bad examples.