Ice cream
Thursday August 30th 2012, 4:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Ripping open the white wrapper and having the scent of chocolate spill out of the wrapper. I  become so excited to consume this delicious treat. Ripping the wrapper open just a little more just enough to be able to grab the wooden stick. Slipping the ice cream out and just gazing upon the brown rectangle. I move the ice cream to my lips and feel the cold on my lips before the ice cream itself reaches my lips. Finally my lips meet the frozen dairy and my taste buds explode. The sweet taste of chocolate fills my mouth, I bite down and my teeth become very cold and I want to stop eating. But I can’t. I haven’t even gotten to the creamy ice cream yet. I bite down more and my mouth gets filled with  a creamy sensation of vanilla.  I swallow as fast as I can to take another bite so I can hear the crunch of chocolate, and next comes the vanilla. It starts to melt instantly, I swallow again. Moving the Star Bar to my lips again to satisfy my taste buds once again. The disheartening moment when  I realize that I have eaten all my ice cream. I lay the wooden stick back down on the wrapper, my fingers are covered in melted chocolate and ice cream. Hoping that my fingers would taste just as good as the ice cream did, but as I licked the ice cream off of my own hand it, didn’t taste anything like the ice cream on the stick. More along the lines of skin and a bit of sweat. It didn’t matter….It still tasted just as sweet.

 





     


Some good detail, Erin. You’re also using good verbs as well. How could you use your writing to emphasize the immediacy you’re experiencing?

Be careful when you begin a sentence with a verb ending in -ing. When you do that, the reader expects another verb phrase to complete the thought.

Comment by    fuglsang 09.04.12 @ 3:13 am