Amber Burg's Blog

You’re sitting on a cold hard rock at the bottom of a hole.  Even if you looked up, you would only get a glimpse of a ray of sunshine. That’s what rock bottom looks like. Dark, cold and hard.

Everyone always says “keep your chin up,” “time makes everything better,” or “it can’t get much worse.” Well, as much as no one wants to admit that those over used Hallmark card sayings are right, they are. Kind of.

It’s not just going to start showering rainbows of happiness down on you. You life isn’t going to become that Disney movie where Prince Charming comes riding out of the sunset on his white steed to save you. He’s not going to lift you out of your hole and throw you onto his horse and ride off together. Especially when your Prince seems to be the problem.

How do you start the climb back up the dark brown clay soil to the glimpse of sunlight? Spend time replaying what when down and then accept it. The moment the world stopped spinning for you, remember it.

The text message that blinks across your phone stressing an urgent need to talk. So urgent that he’s driving to see you now. The same phone that will blink across another message saying “we should break up.” Remember that feeling. The feeling of your heart sinking into quick sand.  Remember the pounding sound your feet made across the tile floor as you ran to the parking lot prepared to fight. You were the doctor getting ready to glove up to resurrect what was left of this beating relationship and not just call time of death.

Remember the moment you truly felt that it was over. When the last straw was grasped and torn to shreds. The anger you felt and unleashed. He walked over to his shinny blue truck ready to escape to some dark. You knew it was over and he buried you deep into the ground with his unexpected surprise. Remember the thought going through your head. ‘His throwing away three years because… no reason.’ Your furied unleashed when he least expected it and you’ll remember his face when you said your last two words on the matter. ‘F**k you.” His shock as you turned on your heel and never looked back.

Remember that call home minutes later from your apartment where pictures of him plastered your wall above your bed.

“Hello, whats wrong…” repeatedly yelled into the phone as the your family around the dinner table is all screaming to figure what’s going on out.  “He what?”

The moment when your Dad gives deep insight onto the situation. When you find out your whole family hated him from the start but on the face of a professional actor. When you tell your brother exactly what happens including the ending and his face makes the I am so proud of my sister face after it follows a thousand ‘No you didn’t.’ Then it spreads like wildfire through the family of how you ended it, strong and angry. “I’m proud of you” coming from your Dad.

Remembering the instance is just the first step up the clay dirt. You need to remember it all as it floods your system, the good and the bad.

That one time he picked you up in his blue truck to go to the drive through zoo for your birthday and it ended it you waiting for 45 minutes alone in the truck on the cold leather seats while he was inside the house preparing dinner. That picture he took of you that night sitting on the oak chair in your peach sundress with your long brown curls decorating your back as the candle lit dinner lights of your face. Let them fade to just memories.

The times he left you with strangers and forgot you existed. Their faces blurring together and becoming one. All the times you had to put on a dress and plaster on a smile to impress his high classed family who thought little of what you aspired to be in life. How you said every polite thing imaginable trying not to be the homegrown, small town girl that still has her roots mixed in with the farm. A place that they wouldn’t even understand. It’s all just a memory. Accept it.

Relive it, accept it, and move on. Talk it out with someone who has known you your entire life. Get their perspective. Listen to them as they say, “You were in that relationship to the fullest. He needed to grow up.”

Remember your Mom crying at what he did and how much of an A** he was. How she constantly would say “Your better off.” Remember how she thought she would lose you forever because his life plan was to move out of the Midwest and put everything before family. The distressed it caused you to leave them and how you couldn’t speak your mind because your opinion was wrong.

Get all the perspective you can. Then when you have to do the final exchange of items, take that high road and never look back. End it all on good terms. Then let the ending be done. Let it lay there until all the moments become memories.

It’s a breakup, not the end of the world. Zombies aren’t raining from the sky. You’ll live. You will feel like you’re riding a hurricane and its throwing you every which way it can.  Take it from a person who has experienced this, the best thing you can do is learn from it.

Pick your sorry butt off the couch, wipe the streams pouring down from your black circled, puffy eyes and decide that it’s time to get your life back and live it. Recover and stand tall on your two feet and when you’re ready to throw yourself back into the pond to find another fish, don’t second guess yourself and think it all the way through. Who knows when an adorable goldfish might come swimming your way.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 28th, 2014 at 9:55 pm and is filed under Journalism. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.