Michelle's Blog My life is almost as interesting as this theme.

“Please tell me you didn’t sell out of the “Pink Ladies” dog dresses.”

I’m jerked out of my work-induced coma to a middle-aged woman with bubblegum pink hair, black and rhinestone glasses, a hot pink sweater, and mom jeans.

“Um, I’m not sure. But we can go check.”

“Oh gosh, I hope not. I think it would look just darling on my pug. I saw the outfits online and drove down here immediately. Would it be weird if I bought a pink shirt and bedazzled ‘Pink Ladies’ on it to match her?”

Taking in this woman’s appearance, I try to speculate what she would consider weird. She seemed like the type to stuff her dog after it died, so I figured it would take a lot to really shock her.

“Weird? Not at all! It sounds adorable!” I said in my mock-friendly, over-the-top sales associate voice, hoping I didn’t come off as sarcastic.

“Great! Oh, I love Halloween. Buttons just loves it when we match costumes.”

I smile back at her, thinking about how much Buttons probably just hates this large, childlike woman and all of her uncomfortable costumes.

It’s no secret that some dogs have better lives than a large population of earth. Working at a pet store for almost 4 years, I can attest to this. However, the time of year when this is most prominent is Halloween. Some people’s pure dedication to going all out for their pets’ Halloween outfits can be considered no less than obsession.

“They’re psychotic!” exclaimed my manager one night, looking at the Bret Michaels section of our vast Halloween collection. “Anyone who buys this costume—“ she holds up a costume of a padded doggy bra and skirt (complete with blonde wig) “—is psychotic. Seriously, this is just slutty. I would not let my dog leave the house looking like this.”

I wholeheartedly agreed until I realized my dog is naked all the time anyway.

It is estimated that this year Americans will spend $52.9 billion dollars on their pets. Just to put that in a numerical perspective, that is about $52,900,000,000. It doesn’t take a mathematician to realize that that is a enormous number. According to the American Pet Products Association, Halloween costumes for dogs were listed as major trend in 2011, and one that can only increase in the year 2012. And if you were curious about the most popular choices for dog Halloween costumes, the pumpkin is the number one choice among pet owners.

I asked my manager one day about how the layout for our Halloween section has changed over the years.

“Well, when I started like 6 years ago, we probably had an endcap, maybe two. Then, it went to an 8 foot section in our leash and collar aisle. Now, we’re up to an entire 12 foot long gridrack right in our drive aisle. Gosh, watch next year we just dedicate an entire aisle to pet Halloween!” she joked.

One day, whilst wasting my life away at register one, a woman came up to my register with garden gnome costumes in three different sizes.

“Did your lawn ornaments lose their clothes? Needed some replacements?” I joked, immediately wanting to punch myself in the face for making the most pathetic joke ever. Then, I realized I was at work, and this woman didn’t even know me. I suddenly gave zero fucks.

“I’m buying these for my dogs,” she said, seriously. I mentally noted that she ignored my comedy gold. “I have a lab, a cocker spaniel, and a teacup Chihuahua. Big gnome, medium gnome, little gnome!”  she laughed.

I laughed like Conan O’Brien walked into my store and gave me a personal monologue. I, then, died a little inside.

“Go gnome or go home!” I exclaimed. She felt bad this time and gave me a pity laugh; I’ll take what I can get. “So, do you always dress up your animals?”

“Well, not the lab. I’m not crazy!” she insisted, while placing a “Doggy on Board” bumper sticker on my register belt. “Sometimes the cocker, but it’s really the Chihuahua that’s my doll. She has, I think, 14 dresses now. Of course, I dress them all up every Halloween. Last year, they were pumpkins.”

“Well, sounds adorable.” I handed her the receipt. “Have a good rest of your day.”

I watched her walk away, the phrase “I’m not crazy” replaying in my head.