Inmate: Miller, John Franklin

Inmate number: 4646-325

Location: Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane

Crime: First degree murder 5 counts.

I’d like to consider myself a bit of a food connoisseur. I’ve been making good food ever since I was an Army cook back in ‘Nam, so I’ve been around the block a few times. Hell, the reason I ended up here on death row because I, shall I say, was experimenting with a new recipe called “Jeremy’s Liver and Onions,” if you catch my drift. One of my favorite things to make, and to eat, is handmade Italian food. The prison guards wouldn’t let me near any cooking utensils so for my last meal they took me to Trattoria Fresca in Sioux City, Iowa.

The warden got me all dressed up and, when we got to the restaurant, I knew why. It was a fancy authentic (as you can get) Italian restaurant that would be perfect for a date (not to eat but to eat with). It was a grand dining room with large tables in the middle and small tables for two in the window. There was also lots of Italian-themed art on the walls. The waiter came out promptly and took our drink orders. I had a nice Chianti (sssfuhssfuhssfuhsssfuh). In the middle of the table was a basket full of bread, as well. There was regular garlic bread and a bread that had what seemed like marinara sauce on the top.

Dinner for two.

Not long after ordering, our food came out. I had the Gnocchi Al Pomodoro Fresca. The pasta had that homemade touch; it wasn’t slick on the outside like store-bought pasta but had a little bit of that fresh-baked doughy flavor to it, which was exceptional. The pomodoro sauce, which was red sauce and oil and perhaps a little bit of cream (if my tastebuds are correct), was very rich and had a good balanced flavor of spices, basil, and tomato. There were no other sides to go along with the meal but it filled me up regardless. I used what was left of the garlic bread to mop up the sauce. They should jar it.

Gnocchi Al Pomodoro Fresca

For dessert we ordered tiramisu, a cannoli (but left the gun), and another cake-like dish with fudge and chocolate and more fudge and chocolate. The desserts were each very rich and were just as good if not better than the mail course meal. I didn’t have much of those, though, because I was so full, but each were amazingly tasty.

Tiramisu and cannoli.

After our meal, the owner of the place came out and talked to us a bit. He was a nice guy and knew his stuff. He told us that they also had a restaurant in Chicago that had fair success. These guys knew what they were doing and their food proves it. I’d go back all the time.

Muhahahhaha!