Eatin’ a chocolate Star Bar—
It’s like the dull sound of ripping shreds of newspaper as you pull the wrapper off. Once the bar is exposed to the open air a distinct aroma of rich, creamy milk chocolate hits your nostrils. The smell is smooth and cool–almost like a brisk fall day. As soon as the bar touches your lips and mouth there’s a rush of sweetness to all of your taste buds. As you bite down, there’s a crunch like biting a potato chip–then comes the best part: the vanilla ice cream. It’s cold and creamy with the warmth of your mouth melting the chocolate and vanilla together. It’s rich, flavorful, and sweet. Repeat the bites to enjoy this over and over…until it’s gone, of course.
September 3rd, 2012 at 10:07 PM
What happens if you replace “you” with “I,” Jordan? Use your experience to make it real for me. Good use of the senses. How might you show me “rich, flavorful, and sweet”? You begin with a good metaphor. Maybe you could use one to show me those three adjectives: Like a …