Dawn with her three kids, Mason (left), Grace (middle), and Austin (left).
Don’t Worry About the Dishes
Sometimes, a mother’s love is what keeps their children alive.
Just over a year ago, Dawn Burlage faced every parent’s worst nightmare when her seven-year-old daughter, Grace, passed away. For six years, Grace battled meningioma brain tumors, while Dawn battled the thought of losing one of her children. From treating Grace with chemotherapy, taking her to countless doctors appointments and surgeries, and going to radiation, along with taking care of her two sons, Austin and Mason, Dawn learned a lot about being a mother.
At the age of two, Grace had her first surgery to remove a brain tumor. Throughout the years, Grace had other surgeries, one round of at-home chemotherapy, and went to Indiana to have two types of radiation at one time. However, every time the tumors came back.
“After her last surgery, she said, ‘Mommy, I don’t want any more surgery,’” Dawn recalled of the time right before Grace’s s November birthday two years before she passed away. “At first they said she had a year, and that if she went to Indiana, she would have two. She ended up having two, ‘cause we went out to Indiana.”
While at a care facility in Indiana, Grace received doses of radiation, including proton therapy, which targets a specific location that is needed to absolve the tumor.
Despite everything the doctors tried, the tumors came back yet again. The day came when the doctors brought Dawn in and told her the news- that they tried everything they could.
“I asked them, ‘Are you sure, there’s nothing else?’ And they said there were things they could try, but they never worked, and that they’d mostly be doing that for me,” Dawn said. “I had to make the choice- on whether to put her through more treatment and have her sick the whole time, or let her enjoy the rest of her life.”
The next couple years were spent on road trips to Duluth with family, to waterparks where Grace laughed like your everyday kid, and days spent cuddling with her mom. Knowing Grace would miss a lot of things, everyone surrounding her tried to give her the best opportunities.
Grace (7) and Dawn at prom.
Two high school girls, Becca and Anna, both seniors at the time, developed an amazing bond with Grace after they took her to prom. Grace wore a golden ruffle dress, her hair was curled, and she looked like a princess. It was Grace’s night, and she radiated beauty.
Dawn supported her family through the hard times, and listened to all the doctors she saw. She kept hope, even in the rough. “You’re told to do something by the doctor, and you do it. You hope and pray for the best. Even though you never get it,” Dawn said.The time came to tell the kids about Grace’s diagnosis. “The first thing Gracie did was hug me and say, ‘Mommy, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna leave you.’ And then she was sad about it. Really, really sad. But as time went on, you know, I think she accepted it more, and right before she died, I knew she was okay,” Dawn said quietly. “That’s when everyone was at the house, and it was just me and her. And she said she’d be holding my hand forever and ever and ever, and that she loved her brothers.”
On November 12, 2011, Grace passed away with her entire family surrounding her at home. The day is still engraved in the minds of those who witnessed it- the brothers by their mom, the tears on faces, the prayer by the pastor, the tight hugs and holding hands, and the candles flickering, as if it was Grace saying goodbye.
Just over a year after her death, Dawn laid on a couch in her brother’s basement on Thanksgiving, wiping the tears from her eyes as she explained the hard times, and laughing a lot while remembering the good times.
“Our life changed so much. It was all, you know, there was doctors appointments and Gracie’s spitfireness and her age level and all that stuff going on. And all of a sudden there’s not of that. The age level of my family went up.” Dawn said.
“There’s no girl, there’s no seven-year-old. I have two pre-teen boys and life just changed completely. I went from having this needy, needy, needy little girl… then boys could care less and that’s just their age, I understand that. The most significant part of our lives just went away. There’s so many doctors appointments and stuff to keep up with… It was just hard, it was really hard,” she said.
Her two red headed pre-teen sons, Mason now eleven and Austin almost thirteen, both deal with the loss in their own ways.
“Mason is less independent emotionally, and he seeks help with things he’s done independently before. He uses humor to lighten the mood around the house,” Dawn’s sister, Deb Carr, says of the eleven-year-old. “I would say his anger comes out as aggression towards his brother.”
Mason, a sixth grader, is as rambunctious as any eleven year old. His red-brown hair, freckle spotted cheeks, blue-green eyes and pink braces make him a unique character.
Similarly, Austin changed after losing his sister. “He isolates himself from his family, and he’s much more in his own world. He’s frustrated with others, but he’s super patient with his mom, in almost a protective sense,” Deb said.
“All of us just kind of go day by day. Me and Mason read a lot and Austin secludes himself away. Every now and then we talk about her,” Dawn said quietly. “I don’t know what else there is to do to heal. Everyone says time with heal, but that’s not it.”
A few months after Grace’s death, Dawn and her boys moved to a neighboring town. Moving from the house they had spent the past few years in was hard for Dawn and her boys, because it will filled with images of Grace- her loud laughter, her soft footsteps, and ultimately, memories of the day her life ended.
Walking in the new house, you would not see that it is not a home. It has pictures of Dawn’s three kids, evidence of a very occupied living room, and a television with Spongebob Squarepants on. It appears to be a home, but it is not without Grace’s presence.
“It’s not hard to remember her, but it’s harder to find the sense of home without her,” Dawn said about the move. “It was like, she was there and she was everywhere and then she died, and that was home. The boys and I moved to a different house, and that can’t be home, because we were never a full family there.”
The house has evidence of a family, but what you can’t see is that it is not fully intact. The pictures that hang on the walls and sit on shelves capture the meaning of the Burlage family- smiles, laughter, love, and most of all, strength.
“She was a wild child in high school and now she’s not so much,” her brother, Dwayne Hoss explains. “She got a degree, had a family, and then had a huge event in her life with Grace. She’s grown a lot from that.”
The quirkiness of Dawn’s family is evident, especially in her boys- loud laughs, red-brown hair, and sly jokes to make hard situations lighter make up their personalities. It was the same for Grace, family members recall. Grace, despite her age, had a lot to say and knew exactly how to say it. She taught everyone a lesson, whether they knew it at the time or not.
“Gracie taught me to smile through the pain, but I can’t,” Dawn said after a few minutes of thinking. “She’s stronger than I am, ‘cause even right after surgeries, she’d be just smilin’ away. Through chemo, she laughed. She didn’t mind it. She didn’t get sick. She’d just smiled, happy-go-lucky, and she’d get tired, but even being tired, she’d be happy. Or demanding,” Dawn laughed, smiling at the thought of her daughter.
“She was stubborn, happy, and caring. She really wanted to make sure that I was taken care of. She was a little spitfire, but yet, she had a heart of gold. That fiery red hair and blue-green eyes… She could look at you in a way that you knew she was mad. I can still hear her saying, ‘Mom!’” Dawn said, laughing yet again.
However, Grace learned to have a heart of gold from the very best- her mother. Dawn would do anything for her kids, and she loves them unconditionally. A mother’s love is never ending, even when a child is no longer around. “She was so strong,” Dawn said, not realizing how much strength she herself had within her.
Remembering Grace is a rollercoaster- the highs bring happiness, and the lows bring sorrow, yet no matter what kind of a day it is, the Burlage family marches on.
Dawn cares for her boys and it’s evident in everything she does, from working multiple jobs, to showing up at every football game that her boys play.
“One of her greatest strengths is her ability to help others by using her own story, but it’s too soon for her to do that with Grace. I think in time she will, and I think she’ll be good at it,” her sister Deb says.
With Dawn’s strength, determination, and her story, she’s sure to do something with it in time. “I’d love to,” Dawn said about wanting to tell her and Grace’s powerful story. Perhaps one day she’ll become a motivational speaker at conventions, or write a book.
During the six years of treatment, Dawn learned a lot. Perhaps those lessons will one day be moved on to someone else.
“There’s one thing that really sticks out in my mind that I did right, and it wasn’t even something I did to Grace,” Dawn said. “But I told each of the boys that I was glad it wasn’t them. That I was really, really sad it was it was their sister, but that it wasn’t them at the same time. I didn’t want them to grow up thinking, ‘Well mom would have preferred it was me.’ No, no I wouldn’t. Make sure that the living kids know that even if you have to go away, that they’re so important to you.” Dawn said with a hint of sadness. “And number two, don’t worry about the dishes.”
There is no saying what is in store for the Burlage family in the next few years, but one thing is for sure: Dawn will continue to be a strong and loving mother, the boys be as comical and animated as ever, and Grace’s spirit will still be everywhere.
From left to right: Mason, Grace, and Austin.
This almost made me cry…. very well written. The were a lot of quotes from Dawn but I think they worked really well. There is really nothing bad to say about this article. i loved it.
Really good story. The lead was ok but it did not really jump out to me and make me want to read more. I would use the part were she went to prom at a young age. Then people will want to know why.
Wow, awesome story! I would work on the lead a little bit. Maybe go in describing a scene of one of the treatments Grace went through. Also another thing I would recommend is that when you are quoting her in the beginning I would describe how she was talking earlier. I know you said a little further down what she was doing but I would consider moving that up a bit. Another suggestion I have is could you get one of Grace’s brothers to talk to you? Otherwise, this is an awesome story!
This is really tough, Jianna. There’s a lot going on here, and it’s all good. So you’re going to need to focus on organization.
Begin by deciding what the central story is going to be. If it was me, I would go with something like having to decide when to let go and enjoy the time she has with Grace. I like Gage’s idea of leading with prom. Then jump back to the diagnosis and failed treatments. Then the inevitable. Then acceptance, which would bring you up to prom.
Then the various elements which follow, though Grace is always in the background.
What will help you organize is subheads. When you begin a new section, insert a break and a subhead that introduces a new topic.
“Her” rather than “their” in the first sentence.
One other question: No Mr. Burlage?
Messy divorce with partial custody of the kids, I didn’t know if I should include that or not.