Descriptive Lead: Beauty in the Middle of Stormy Nights
Sept. 4
Morningside Campus – Fountain
Tuesday night the weather was terrible actually, it was horrible! It was dark outside and streaks of lightning danced across the sky. What was odd was there was not really rain, there were little sprinkles here and there, like trying to shake salt out of a clogged saltshaker. I was at Morningside finishing my Audio Project, along with me was my partner Kelsey Nelson. I have known her from last semester’s Social Dance class. She is nice, quiet like a mouse weaving her way through the house on Christmas night for some cookies, and relaxing person. I also had someone else with me besides Kelsey, my beloved boyfriend Benjamin Gonzalez. He was my escort and moral support when I was shying away from coming to the studio to record.
Ironically, he is very proficient with audacity, so when Kelsey and I were spending what felt like an eternity in the control room trying to figure out how to add a voice recording to a music recording he figured out that all we needed to do was copy and paste the voice recording. I felt like the world’s biggest dunce, how did I not know that? Especially when I been messing with the thing for more than two hours. Kelsey and I were beginners when it came to using audio or video editing programs. I am happy and grateful that Benji was there; otherwise, I do not think that Kelsey and I could have completed the project on time. Well, that night it only took approximately 3hours to complete Kelsey’s piece. It probably would not have taken that long if it was not for me being picky and trying to get every part of the recording perfect or at least sounding natural, and if Kelsey did not have to do several recordings just to get the vocals and lines right. We had her repeat the script several times because we could not get the levels right, so we ended up hearing her say KMSC ID; “Thank you for listening to KMSC the student voice of Morningside College,” multiple times. Oh well, at least it is done and said for!
That night, I was relieved to get the project done and get a chance to go home before 11. Because around 9 at night my dad started calling me, I was a little wary to pick up the phone. I was afraid he might scold me for staying out too late, since I forgot to call him earlier that I was going to take a while to complete my project. Well, I was perspiring a little when I finally decided to answer him; I could feel beads of sweat dripping down my back like water flowing down the Niagra Falls. The whole conversation was in Vietnamese so I will only give the gist, basically, Daddy was calling to warn me that there was going to be a big storm and to finish the project early. What he does not know was that even though I did finish early, the storm still caught up to us.
That night, Benji and I were walking out through back door of the library. I looked up at the sky and it was a mixture of dark gray and black, kind of like cigarette ash in water. Then out of nowhere, Benji and I caught a glimpse of light flashing across the sky and then 3 seconds later, we hear cracks of thunder. The sound was loud and menacing, it sounded like a giant metal box dropping to the ground. The noise did not scare me but seeing so many lighting streaks across the sky worried me. Benji and I stood there looking at the sky, like we were expecting something to fall down from the heavens. We watched the sky light up as if we were watching fireworks burning in the sky during 4 July.
I broke out of my trance after the light show died down; I turned to face Benji and his face hidden from night’s veil. I asked him where he wanted to go next which was not a very good idea since he is so indecisive. After moments of silence, I told him “Let’s go to the fountain.” The fountain is pretty old possibly been around since the 1900s surprisingly it was still in good condition. That night the fountain was unbelievably beautiful; it was a breath-taking sight. The lights were on and the water turned from a dull blue to a brilliant aquamarine color. I was speechless at the sight of it; the fountain when it blew the water upward into the gloomy, black sky was simply amazing. The water started out aquamarine from the bottom but as it shot up, it became white and the shape looked like white fluffy clouds that liquefied immediately. The foamy, white fluff shined against the dead, dark sky, it was like an angel in the midst of chaos in hell. I will never forget the sight of the fountain on that day, it was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.
September 11th, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Cammy,
I think you started off the article well with describing the fountain.. then you break off into talking about your audio production class? Stick to just talking about the fountain and describing it. You did a good job of discussing it’s history in the last paragraph. Re-organize the article and stick to the description of the fountain. When you describe the fountain you do a very good job. Try sticking with that.
September 13th, 2012 at 4:42 am
I’m with Cassie on this, Cammy. For most of the piece I’m thinking you’re going to describe the studio or the production room. It’s hard for this to be “about” the fountain when it doesn’t come in until the end.
It’s a matter of focus. Bring your story down to the crucial moment at the fountain. The rest is history. Keep the lightning; I really like the salt shaker/rain metaphor. It’s understated yet accurate.
You can then come back to the fountain at a quieter moment to show the contrast. In the light of day it’s altogether different. What do you see, smell, hear at that moment. Weave in the history.
You don’t have to go big, Cammy. Show rather than tell.
Look at the mechanics, esp. sentence construction.