Journalism description paper draft 1

Shane Hennen

Professor Fugslang

Fundamentals of Journalism Comm. 208

Due: September 11, 2012

Roadman Lobby

            Smack-dab in the middle of Morningside’s campus sits a tan, plant-covered building known as the Roadman Residence Hall, named after Dr. Earl Roadman. Dr. Earl Roadman was Morningside College’s President from 1936 to 1956. This newly renovated structure provides a college students ideal walking distance to many other important buildings. Not to mention the picturesque slice of numerous garden-fresh flowers basking in the sunlight, outside the building.

It is hard to resist the urge to pull out a magnifying glass and investigate the inside of this astounding structure. When taking a stroll inside the front entrance of Roadman hall the first thing that one see’s is the main lobby. Pale walls and outdated furniture surround the room. Sitting in the middle of the room is the main attraction, the pool table. Other allures are neighboring this table of fun. Covered with entrances and exits, the sounds of doors slamming open and shut echoes through the student hang out. The early morning crowd does not make much of any other noises besides occasional beeps of key scanners. The temperature is relaxing enough to stay, while sitting in the obsolete furniture is like hanging out in a grandmother’s basement.

As the day the progresses the relaxing temperature is gone as quick as a jelly filled donut on a police officers desk. Morningside’s learners are leaving for their classes. The room soon fills with sounds of feet scattering across the floors surface and the air turns moist and uncomfortable. The scents of body spray and shower soap fill the lobby. Boys and girls occasionally sit down with their backpacks and their eyes on their cell phones, but for the most part the lobby is just another room to walk through till a student reaches their dorm.

The day reaches its half waypoint and that early morning relaxing temperature is long gone. The familiar noises of this lobby stay around throughout the day until all of Morningside’s student athletes’ practices have come to an end. This is when the real noises come out. The loud, mostly pointless, conversations from student to students start to fill the room as people walk through. The clean well-kept lobby soon turns in to a pit where students accidently drop their food wrappers and pop bottles. The pool table tries to do its best couch imitation, as students seem to think it is a nice place to sit down.

As the night begins to wind down the emergence of students trying to study comes. The light sound of music comes out of ear buds, and the bright computer screens are scattered across the room. The crunching of wrappers containing any young adults favorite snacks begin to come about. The cue ball hitting the other polyester and acrylic balls lets out a cracking noise. Student’s bed times finally come around and the room becomes empty. All that is left is what the Roadman lobby started with. A temperature that has come back down, outdated furniture, and those pale walls.

About Shane

I come from Ghent Minnesota. I love tuna casserole and enjoy playing video games. I made a sweet trampoline dunk video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9Ag1E2Ym4Q. There is the link
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3 Responses to Journalism description paper draft 1

  1. Taylor says:

    I really like this description because while it is informative and you can make a picture in your head, it’s also funny. I like that you gave some background information about the name. Also the part about the temperature is really good, the only thing is the beginning of the third and fourth paragraph state the same thing, so maybe the second time you talk about the temperature you could just state that there is no change since it went from comfortable to too hot. My favorite part is when you compare the temperature change to a jelly doughnut, perfect comic relief. I don’t spend a lot of time in Roadman and I can totally picture what this room looks like. Awesome job.

  2. Mike Kessel says:

    You really used a good choice of words. It gave me a good image as I read it, more like reading a book rather than just a simple description. Even though I know what the lobby looks like, I feel like somebody who has never been there could read this and get a clear picture. Some interesting comparisons were also used like “..the relaxing temperature is gone as quick as a jelly filled donut on a police officers desk.” There is history and lots of sensory details. The only thing really missing is a quote, possibly from someone else who lives in roadman.

  3. fuglsang says:

    You do a good job of showing the lobby over time, Shane, so you should probably bring that focus to the first graf, rather than using the building itself. You could still use the history info, but not necessarily at the top. A good mix of objective and subjective; you create a sense of place.

    I like the comparison to Grandma’s basement. You could use that as a way to tie the whole piece together. If you made that point at the beginning, it establishes a theme for the article, and prepares the reader for what’s to come. Also, the donut/police officer sentence doesn’t quite fit, but if it was apple pie at Grandma’s…

    Include conversation. What are people saying in the lounge?

    You have some mechanical things to fix — capitalization, punctuation.

    Good start.

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