Sep 06 2018

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Rewriting lede

Posted at 4:09 AM under Assignments

Original Lede: “Jacobson was the head of a sprawling network of mobsters, psychics, strip-club owners, convicts, drug traffickers, and even a family of Mormons, who had falsely claimed more than $24 million in cash and prizes.”

The lede works because it shows how huge this conspiracy actually is and how many people it took to rig the Monopoly game. It grabbed my attention by mentioning the different groups of people that helped Jackson and how much money and prizes were falsely claimed.

New ways to write lede:

Topical: Jerome Jackson and his crew had falsely claimed more than $24 million dollars in cash and prizes in 12 years from the McDonald’s Monopoly Game.

Topical: More than $24 million was falsely claimed in cash and prizes from the McDonald’s Monopoly game by one man and his large network of connections.

Contrast: It took mobsters, strip-club owners, convicts, psychics, drug traffickers, and a family of Mormons to help one man steal cash and prizes that are worth more than $24 million from the McDonald’s Monopoly game.

Question: How can someone or even large groups of people working together steal over $24 million in cash and prizes from the Monopoly game at McDonald’s?

Question/Contrast: Why would someone go through all the trouble to have lots of people help him steal millions of dollars from a game?




One response so far

One Response to “Rewriting lede”

  1. fuglsangon 10 Sep 2018 at 3:24 PM 1

    The actual story is a bit of a slog. Lots and lots of long grafs. I lost track of the story and felt like the author was making a big deal out of something much smaller.

    Your question lead might be appropriate: Why would someone go to all the trouble to steal millions of dollars from a game? The initial answer might be, Why not? But the fact you’re asking the question makes it seem like more is going on.