Link to story: https://ohiostatebuckeyes.com/feature-story-balancing-act/
Analyzing: The lead works because it doesn’t jump right into the story. The story is covering a former professional-athlete returning to Ohio State to complete her degree – so the story does not have a time restraint or sense of urgency. Though it starts off simple with the phrase “Life is a balance”, it goes on to make a point that after finding a balance one can return to the complexities of life they put to the side earlier in life and still be fulfilled with life. I think the lead was short and sweet, not too descriptive but also not too vague.
Rewrite:
- “Practice what you preach is a common statement often upheld for coaches of professional sports. Talking about the importance of an academic degree but leaving no time for studying or homework is contradicting and can cause resentment. Cheryl Stacy tried to keep this in mind when she was hired as the golfing coach at University of Michigan. After making considerations for her athletes’ academic successes, Stacy found her motivation to return to her degree she put on pause for 20 years.” (Standard)
- “Peace. The sound of the tress rustled by wind is all that fills the air as she prepares her swing. Already at her last hole, Cheryl Stacy knows there is nothing that can distract her from taking the perfect swing and hitting a hole-in-one – not even her Calculus final tomorrow that she has yet to study for. Now is not the time, but maybe one day, Stacy thinks to herself.” (Rule-buster?)
- “As a college athlete, you most likely understand the commitment that is necessary to maintain athletic success as well as academic proficiency. But let me ask you this – if you won 3 Big Ten and NCAA championships and had professional recruiters knocking down your door, would you take the opportunity or continue pursuing plan b, your degree?” (Casual)