Ellianna Madsen

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I go to Mass on Sundays,
not because I believe
in heaven
or hell,
but because
there are always cookies after service,
and smiling strangers tell me
they’ll keep me in their prayers.
I go to book club on Tuesdays,
not because
my opinions
are worth hearing,
but because
I get to sip expensive white wine
in expensive white kitchens,
and people have to pretend
to listen and care
about what I have to say.
I go to yoga on Thursdays,
not because
I have arthritis
or value Indian spirituality,
but because
the pretty skinny girls
include me in their pictures,
and I almost feel
like I’m one of them.
I go to places I don’t belong,
not because I want attention,
but because
I’m getting desperate
for something
to believe in,
or somewhere
to belong.