The Savvy Ghost’s Survival Guide//Haylie Folsom

Every culture has its legends. Tales whispered in the dark to hushed rooms. Men and beasts and legends too strange to be spoken by daylight. This is a very old story. Ancient humans around a campfire. Dancing flames and whispered words. Have you ever whispered “ghost” to your shadow? Has it ever whispered back? Mine has. 

It was many years ago that I died. Try not to worry yourself about it. It was so long ago, and as it just so happens, one doesn’t need a body or a breath to exist. I still see, still wander, still float endlessly through these winding halls. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen here.

Eppley, Dearest, you are quite haunted, aren’t you? Your shadows are darker than the witching hour and deeper than the trench. I pray for students who happen upon you after dark. It is for this very reason that I write this guide. We ghosts may not be able to leave, but most of you students can. If, of course, you follow my simple advice.

1. The hooded figures are quite unnerving, but they prefer to keep to themselves. If you do the same, you’ll be fine. Stay far away when they perform their nightly rituals. Try not to think too much about that red liquid on the floor or the mysterious box that they carry with them.
2. The Mangled Man is, admittedly, terrifying to look at. Don’t comment on his appearance, as he is very sensitive about it. If you listen carefully around 2:35 each morning, you can hear him playing piano. It is sublime.
3. Stay far, far away from the paintings at night. They may look harmless, but the creature who lives in them is hungry. If you wander too near, she may drag you into her acrylic prison.
4. The boy in the auditorium is quite harmless. Sing to him, if you like. If he enjoys it, he may present you with a balloon.
5. Plug your ears if you hear any high-pitched screeching. Drop to your knees and pray if you hear low-pitched humming. Never speak of either one if you make it out alive.
6. The sounds coming from the basement are not your imagination and you should absolutely not investigate them. 
7. Whatever you do, DO NOT write your name anywhere on the walls unless you want to be permanently bound to the building. Trust me, I’ve seen many a student meet this fate. Not a fun way to go. I do enjoy their company though. 
8. Eliza is a safe and permanent resident of Eppley. Treat her kindly. She would appreciate it if you would leave a sandwich or two in the ceramics room, as she gets hungry. Eliza is not a ghost, but an old woman who lives in the walls, and you should not look for her.
9. Tread softly at night, lest you wake The Beast. Don’t ask me what The Beast is. I don’t know. Nobody knows. Stop asking me.
10. Don’t study in the Eppley at night. Just don’t. It’s a little known fact that the word ‘studying’ is actually a combination of the words ‘student’ and ‘dying.’ If you want to find out why, study in the Eppley after dark.
11. THIS STEP IS VERY IMPORTANT. Talk to my portrait when you pass it, or at least say hi. I like to feel seen. It’s been so long since someone living has been able to see me. 

Of course, all of these should be common sense, but I suppose wisdom would be wasted on the young. That’s why I’m here. Well. That, and a faulty ladder, but that’s besides the point. I give you this advice in the interest of keeping you safe during your stay at Morningside University. What? No one ever said I was an unkind ghost. That’s a stereotype, and frankly, it’s offensive to ghosts. Regardless, you can choose whether or not to take my advice, but I warn you that, should you ignore it, the consequences may be deadly. Good luck and happy studying, Mustangs.

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