His red exterior patchworked with rust limps to the
finish line that is the driveway of a house,
that isn’t really my house, emitting
the acrid smells of leaking fluids assaulting
the senses of any onlookers. He is an eyesore,
but I grew to love him with each mile we traveled.
My father was much the same way. His bulbous and wiry-haired
exterior clad in scars, tattoos, and ripped farm clothes
offended those who did not understand that a hardworking man meant
never-ending anger, blaring music, and the occasional bruise or head
through a window.
My Chevy once caught fire, leaving me stranded
on the side of the road unable to breathe, choking on
smoke with tears streaking my reddened face. Living
with my father gave me the same feeling. Full plates crashing
against walls, staining the cheery paint with remnants of what my mother
slaved over all day but never got quite good enough for him.
Nothing was ever quite good enough for my father. Four kids, three cars,
two dogs, and one wife too blinded by love to tell that it wasn’t working.
Two kids with drug habits to help the pain, one with straight A’s, honors, and awards,
and one too young to comprehend. All vying for the attention of their
father.
Power windows need me to only press a button.
My crank windows needed my strength,
my determination for the relief of a cool breeze,
my love of the fresh air gently kissing my skin and
running its wispy fingers through my hair.
Once you get so used to working for relief,
pressing a button seems too easy. Was it as
easy for him to walk down the driveway, get in
the car, and leave us as it is to push a button? Was
the driveway a finish line for him as well? Were we too much for him?
After two years, I close the doors of my Chevy
with the keys locked inside. I do not need him. I do not need
to wonder why I was not good enough
to make him stay.
Author:
I will never be able to thank Dr. Coyne for teaching me that writing costs less than therapy, and is often just as intrusive and life-changing.
Voice Actor:
Katelyn Stewart is a junior at Morningside College who is studying Music Education and Vocal Performance. She is involved in theatre, CNAFME, SNATS, APO, lyric opera, and much more. She is originally from the town of Crofton, Nebraska. At Morningside, she has participated in eight shows as well as numerous concerts. She is excited to be involved in recording poems for Kiosk