Katie's Blog

Navigating the Unknown

October 9, 2024 at | In Uncategorized | No Comments

For as long as I can remember, I have been eagerly anticipating the journey of growing up. I couldn’t wait to turn 13, that moment when I would finally enter my teenage years, thinking about new independence and experiences I will endure. Then there was 16—the age when I could secure my driver’s license, something that symbolizes adventure and freedom, allowing an open door to endless spontaneous nights. But the most significant milestone was turning 18, the transition into adulthood, when I could officially leave the  comforts of home behind and start the path to self-discovery and responsibility, and learning to navigate life on my own. 

As 18 started to creep up on me faster than I thought it would, a wave of overwhelming fear washed over me. Everything in my life was about to change when I went off to college, and the reality hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I feared leaving behind everything I had ever known: my home, my neighborhood, and the friends I had grown up with since kindergarten. The thought of starting over felt overwhelming—scary even. I was about to step into a new state, a new place, surrounded by people I didn’t know. 

When talking to professor Chris Simmons about his own experience on leaving home he said, “I was excited to go to school, but not really scared. I was more nervous on what to expect because college is a lot more dependent, unlike high school where you have people to depend on and keep track of you.” 

Later in the interview with professor Simmons, he thought back to a student he had years back that had brought up similar fears to him when it came to being away from her family. “She came here for golf and ended up not playing. She didn’t know anyone and was anxious and not enjoying her experience” he stated. He further elaborated on that and said, “not knowing anyone is a really scary thing and a hard adjustment, she ultimately ended up leaving because she couldn’t adjust.” 

I was stuck between excitement and dread. It was an unsettling mix of emotions. I imagined all the possibilities that lay ahead—new friendships, new experiences, and a chance to be whoever I want to be. This new chapter felt like a blank canvas, a thrilling thought where no one knew my past, and I could be whoever I wanted. But just under that excitement was a constant hum of anxiety: What if I can’t do it? What if I fail? What if I don’t find my place? My mind raced with a million scenarios, each more daunting than the last.

It provided me comfort to know that many students also shared the same nervousness as me. When asking student athlete Will Karpstein similar questions he responded with, “Of course I had those thoughts. But I really had no choice but to adjust. This was where my life was now, and every other freshman had the same thoughts I’m sure. Having that mentality is what I think provides me that security and that everything will work out.” 

When I arrived on campus, the reality of my fears really set in. The bustling hallways, the unfamiliar faces, and the daunting task of navigating it all felt overwhelming. I would find myself missing the comfort of my childhood room and sharing laughs on late nights with friends. 

In those first few weeks, I felt like a small fish in an ocean, scared and unsure. But as days turned into weeks, the unfamiliar began to feel a little more familiar. Around half way through the semester I started to feel more settled. Halloween weekend was the first time I was excited to go out. Everyone dressed up in costumes, and did hair and makeup together. It was the first big party that I had really attended and did not feel out of place. It was a gradual process, and over time I was able to find my rhythm. 

Months later, the campus transformed from a confusing maze into a place of endless possibilities. I was able to start zeroing in on what I liked and didn’t like. Exploring the different majors and minors I could do, and the classes I liked. I quickly began to realize I was most drawn to psychology and writing and from there on it felt like all the pieces started to fall together for me. 

 I began to feel at home, accepting the change rather than fighting it. Instead of fearing what lies ahead, I became excited about the future. I realized that this journey was not just about finding a new place but about discovering who I was becoming.