I chose the analyze the lead of a story original published by Buzzfeed News that I found on the Longform stories website. It is called “We Saw Nuns Kill Children: The Ghosts of St. Joseph’s Catholic Orphanage.”

The lead of this story is a series of quotes from Sally Dale’s deposition during a lawsuit against the orphanage. I think it works because it sets a dark scene. This person is telling of a gruesome murder and keeping her exact words really show how she wanted to get her wording exactly right to make this case stick. I think this works really well because you aren’t clicking on this story expecting a happy time. The use of quotes really pulled me in to the story because it gave it a sense of being real. These weren’t some over exaggerated stories. This actually happened to someone.

Rewrite: On a summer afternoon Sally Dale was being escorted across the campus of St. Joseph’s Catholic Orphanage when suddenly…CRASH…. She turned to see the body of another resident hitting the ground after being thrown through a fourth-floor window. Dale saw the face of a nun standing in the window with her arms straightened out in front of her. She turned to her escort. “Sister?” she said. The other nun told her she had an overactive imagination. “We are going to have to do something about you, child.”