Good throwaway/soft lede. Good introduction of quotes.
The organization is a bit different — going to description of the happy day before it took the dark turn — but I think that could work here. You are asking a lot of your reader, though. You tease in the quote, but don’t follow through until about the 30-second mark.
fuglsang on November 1st, 2017
(Sorry, hit the submit button early.)
Given your structure, ending with Laurette’s condition makes sense, but I think that is the news and should be higher.
Good throwaway/soft lede. Good introduction of quotes.
The organization is a bit different — going to description of the happy day before it took the dark turn — but I think that could work here. You are asking a lot of your reader, though. You tease in the quote, but don’t follow through until about the 30-second mark.
(Sorry, hit the submit button early.)
Given your structure, ending with Laurette’s condition makes sense, but I think that is the news and should be higher.
OK on attribution.