In the darkness of the November evening I drove my gray Chevy Malibu to Witt College with my old roommate from freshman year in my passenger seat. We were driving to FCA. I asked her how her summer went and she was reluctant to answer. She wanted to give the generic “it was good,” answer but as her answer was given she sounded more unenthused about what her summer looked like. She said something to the affect of “Well I worked for my dad back home and that was good.” She then started to mention what she wants to do this coming summer as the blue radio light illuminated her narrow face. She said she thinks that the lord might be calling her to service in the Marine Corps. She said it would push her and she doesn’t know if she can do it but she wants to try. She even has talked to her recruiter about joining the summer program and so far she qualifies in every field.
“She then started to mention what she wants to do this coming summer as the blue radio light illuminated her narrow face. She said she thinks that the lord might be calling her to service in the Marine Corps.”
Nice. Try it with shorter sentences so you can use pace. Give it rhythm.