Let the chaos begin!

Moyer quick was pronounced dead at the scene. The 65 year old man was killed in a collision with a truck driven by 17 year old Randy Radin, also of Sioux City. State Patrolman Randy Patrick reports that the accident took place when Quick attempted to pass Radin – but his rear-end struck Radin before completing the pass. The vehicles were then forced into the ditch, rolling Quick’s vehicle once.

There are three survivors: Dorothy Quick, Maxine Steurwald and Randy Radin. Steuerwald and Quick are said to be in stable condition. Radin however is in critical condition and reportedly has a fractured skull, and internal injuries. The accident is still under investigation, and weather did not appear to be a factor.

September 15th, 2010 at 7:47 pm

3 Responses to “Rewrite exercise”
  1. 1
      fuglsang says:

    Second graf is good, Courtney. Description is also OK, though I would say the “rear end of Quick’s vehicle,” just to be clear.

    The problem with beginning with a name is that if the reader doesn’t know Quick, they won’t read, and they might miss something in the story. How about: A 65-year-old South Sioux City man was pronounced dead at the scene of a two-car accident yesterday. Then the names and info from Stewart.

  2. 2
      Courtney says:

    Great point, and I should have caught that – you had mentioned that in class even….I hate it when I make dumb mistakes. Thanks for the feedback ross!

  3. 3
      Fuglsang says:

    I would say at this point there are no “dumb mistakes.” Just stuff you haven’t learned yet.