Lead Re-writes

September 9th, 2010

Wedding Bells for Michelle

Having no legs and only one arm does not inhibit the social mobility of Michelle Holdorf. She’s getting married September 5th to a two-armed and two-legged man named Doug Loughlin.

Couch Comfort

Driving by the Sigma Chi fraternity house on a sunny summer day, one cannot help but notice the large plot of couch potatoes growing on the front lawn.

Flamingo Enjoys her Freedom

Held against her will, longing to spread her wings and fly, Pinky the flamingo escaped at last from captivity. Thanks to Pinky, the image of a hot-pink flamingo, alongside the American flag, endures as a symbol of freedom.

Christians (plan on) Feed Qurans to the Fire!

September 9th, 2010

This is the original lead:

A plan by a small Florida church to burn Qurans on September 11, which has triggered worldwide controversy, is a “recruitment bonanza for al Qaeda,” President Barack Obama said Thursday.

This is my rewrite:

Back in the ’60’s, after John Lennon declared the Beatles to be “more popular than Jesus,” many took to the streets and enthusiastically participated in public burnings of Beatles records. Today, offended Christians, this time motivated by a phobia to Muslims, plan to burn Qurans on September 11. The potential arsonists are members of a small Florida church, and their proposal has sparked world-wide controversy. Obama called the situation a “recruitment bonanza for al Qaeda.”

This is a link to the article:


My Favorite Dessert

September 7th, 2010

My favorite dessert is whatever Sarah wants. I don’t really have a sweet-tooth, but she, like many females, has an immense weakness for sweet, oozing-chocolaty food stuffs. I typically refrain from indulging in desserts unless on some celebratory occasion such as my mother’s birthday. I never find myself craving desserts, not even after an enormous meal. However, that is not to say that after a spirited, gluttonous rampage in the company of others, I won’t follow suit and grab a piece of cake. There are certain occasions in which the consumption of desserts are inevitable, such as one’s wedding. At my wedding, I was willing to consent to the traditional practice of cutting the wedding cake and shoving it in each others’ mouths – though not for the enjoyment of the cake’s taste, but rather, for providing amusement to those in attendance. Had I not of chosen to partake in the cake-eating tradition, many people who attended my wedding would likely think of me as a poor sport and might go as far as predicting that my marriage would be one characterized by little fun and even less cake consumption.