For this assignment, I had to search around for a lead I liked. I knew I had struck gold with this story.
Basically, a woman dated a man ten years ago, and, after a life of petty crime, the man sneaked back and lived in her attic for two weeks. Somehow, he was undetected until the woman heard a noise from the attic. Thinking it was an animal, she sent her older sons up to deal with it. The man then came out of the attic and left the house, smiling the whole time.
The lead: “A Rock Hill, N.C., woman knew something was in her attic when she heard a thump and then saw some nails start popping out from her bedroom ceiling one night.”
Why it works/why I like it: This is a feature story so it works to have the lead be mysterious. There isn’t a lot of information in it, but it definitely makes the reader want to continue on. The title of the article “Woman finds ex boyfriend living in her attic” caught my eye, and the lead solidified the deal.
Rewrites: A Rock Hill, N.C. woman heard a thump from up above, but sorry kids, it wasn’t Santa.
You know when you break up with a guy and then ten years later he is secretly living in your attic?
Most people keep things in their attics they don’t need anymore. Old appliances, extension cords, and…ex-boyfriends?