Red Bones

Name: Miller, Richard Copernicus

Inmate number: 430-9974

Crime: Murder, two counts.

Location: Missouri State Penitentiary

Last meal: Country fried chicken, mac n cheese, collard greens, cornbread.


When the cruiser pulled up to Red Bones, I was a little skeptical. The building looked pretty run down and it wasn’t really in the best neighborhood, which wasn’t as big of a deal considering I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life in a state prison. Once we stepped inside, though, it had a nice cozy atmosphere and it was well decorated. On one wall the restaurant’s title was spelled out with bones, which I particularly liked given my infatuation with bones.

We sat down at a table in the middle of the restaurant and were waited on pretty quickly. The waitress was an older lady who had a little feistiness to her which, for some reason, seemed fitting to the style of the restaurant. I ordered an Arnold Palmer to drink and a fried bologna sandwich as an appetizer. They had a decent amount of your typical appetizers to choose from but the sandwich caught my eye; it took me back to my disgruntled youth where just about every meal I had was friend bologna. It was on buttered and toasted bread with no other condiments but it was still tasty.

Their meal menu wasn’t terribly extensive, which seemed ok because their specialty was southern comfort food. I always ha did not hesitate to use it to cut deep into the flesh of the fried chicken. As I did, the juices poured out, not terribly unlike my last victim. The chicken was very juicy and flavorful. It had a southern style seasoning to it, which is really the only way I know how to describe it. It was way better than any KFC, that’s for sure. The mac n’ cheese was very cheesy. It had several different kinds of cheese from which I could only make out cheddar and jack. The cornbread, too, was excellently done as well. It was nice and moist and had a hint of sweetness, like it was made with honey or something. The highlight of the dish I thought, though, was the greens. They were simmered in spices so they had a great moistness and flavor to them. They were a bit salty, especially towards the bottom of the tiny dish, but it wasn’t terribly overpowering. That’s the one thing on the plate that I kept wanting to come back to. They were simply wonderful. To die for, if, considering my circumstances, was literally the case.

After hastily consuming my meal, like how Hannibal consumed his victims, I had just enough room for a little dessert. I saw peach cobbler on the menu so my decision was easy. It came out with a little bit of whipped cream on top. It had a caramel taste to it and a little spice which reminded me of pumpkin pie. It was very rich and was difficult to finish, but overall it wasn’t half bad.

My experience at Red Bones, despite its outer appearance and location, was very nice. The owner, who opened the place after coming to Sioux City from West Memphis, Tennessee, seemed very nice and knew what she was doing as far as the food goes. I’ll be thinking of those greens when the warden puts the needle in me.