Thursday, December 6th, 2012...6:27 am

Rough Draft

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It was just a regular day for Cindy Deck in 1999. She was in the kitchen when the phone rang so she picked it up. Her son, Tod, had already gotten the call so she hung up the phone. As she was putting the phone down though, she realized that something wasn’t right. It took her a minute to put the phone down.  She knew right then that she was having a stroke but she pretended like it wasn’t happening. “I knew exactly what was going on because I saw my mother when she had her stroke.”

Her other son, Bryan, needed a shirt ironed, “I knew exactly where the iron was but when I went to go get it, it wasn’t there. Later though I found out that it was there I just couldn’t see it because your brain isn’t working right. When I turned around to tell him [Bryan] that I couldn’t find it I almost fell down. So I sat down and told him that I couldn’t find the iron and that he would need to find it and do it himself because I wasn’t feeling well.” She then goes on to tell Bryan that if she is sick when he comes homes later in the afternoon to call the ambulance. “I told him that I was sick but I didn’t tell him that I was having a stroke.”

“I avoided going to the hospital until four in the morning when I could no longer lift my right leg enough to walk up the steps without falling. Then I went to brush my hair and I couldn’t. My arm didn’t know what to do. I remember when my mom had her stroke and the same thing happened to her. She was unable to brush her hair and the right side of her face drooped. The right side of my face drooped as well while I was trying to do my hair. And then the speech went. It sounded like I was wasted.”



2 Comments

  • good start, just needs more 🙂 Also, try and break up the quotes, paraphrase.

  • Yes, as Katie says, you do need to streamline the quotes a bit. Smooth out the story.

    More importantly, you need to lay out what the story is going to be. The first graf works, I think. Follow it with the lead: She had a stroke which even now, 14 years later, still haunts her. (Or is still fresh in her memory, or whatever will be the focus). I’m guessing the focus will be on her recovery.

    Who will be the other sources?