For the question what’s in there I went to a look out tower in Sioux falls. At the falls park there is a tower that you can go to and look out at all of falls park. So to get there you walk to the falls park history museum and walk up the stars of elevator to get to the top. You can ether stay inside and look out the windows or you can go out on to the walk way and look out. I had gone to the falls many times but never want in to that building so I want there for this project. When I go to the top no one was there so I want out on to the walk way and looked out at falls park. The view was amazing. I had want when the sun was setting so you got to see the sun set over all the water falls. You could hear the water splashing around and hear so birds up ahead. You could smell Hone Marvels arose the way and I could tell they where cooking some bake. It was cold out since its November and all and since the sun was setting it was just colder and it did not help that I was so high up. Looking down people looked like ants and it was kind of scary. I was at lest six or seven story’s high, but the view was amazing. Since I want there I will come back again and I am happy that we had this project or else I would never have gone up the that place that I have always seen but never want in to tell now.
I’m not from Sioux Falls, so I don’t know what this means: “You could smell Hone Marvels arose the way and I could tell they where cooking some bake.” Mechanics!
Replace the “you’s” with I. This is Aleigha describing things, so I is fine.
The beginning of sensory description. Still need to do more showing than telling. Show the reader “amazing.”